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hey...um.
theres a band thats playing a show tomorrow.
a band that im playing keyboards in.
if you wanna go.
yah know?
like..hang out, and..kiss.
and...just loose me in your eyes.
and sip some from that hot coffee cup.
let me know, sweety.
i want to know.
if we meet.
at this show.
you are beautiful.
and your friend..?
yah know...we should consider a threesome.
someday.
goodnight honey.
and tell your friend that she is almost as beautiful as we all could be..
together.
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Thursday, March 24th, 2005
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Wednesday, March 16th, 2005
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.."He lay for a long time inching his hand toward hers, finally covering it, as it made a fist in his grip. She arched herself backward against him automatically, her refex one of welcome rather than repulsion, an attraction to the source of heat."..
Eminent Domain
-Antonya Nelson.
I was reading the fiction section of the New Yorker Magazine..
It was a great story! I divorced my presence for it.
It was interesting.
Although, what you read was just a little hot part.
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heartless fake plastic steel temporary unloved fun cigarette hair fingernails lust concrete stains alcohol cops spilled flat irons high-volume twisting host fight wanna? middle-finger stop turn look see scene dirt disgust taboo interesting gore slap strive industry cut-throat faceless lipstick darkness mystery misery mysterious scoundrel thief felon lock-em-up never-had-a-chance popularity over-population grueling asphalt h2o help break line-sniffer kill dead colors desaturated lifeless jobless handsome grease-ball pride kingdom-of-breeders no-name faceless pleasure-less lack-of-veins to-fill enjoy rot breathless dilapidated luxuries double-kill pigeon-foot insignificant anonymity amenity anger animosity looser brainless-effort drive-away the-lack-of reasonable doubtful trustworthy false ropes-tied kick the-chair starving no-more all-gone the-end
fuck
im not crazy
but this describes more than enough.
thank you if you gazed across every word.
i'll turn it into a song, watch me.
somethin'
hatehatehatehate
lovelovenonohate
she was just another
or give me a reason to contradict
myself
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Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005
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| Time: | 2:29 am. |
| Mood: |  goodnight. |
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clarity
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Friday, January 14th, 2005
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| Subject: | smiling |
| Time: | 12:50 pm. |
| Mood: |  loved. | | Music: | Radiohead - Everything In Its Right Place. |
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I am vacating my livejournal.
See yah, guys&gals.
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Wednesday, January 5th, 2005
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Tuesday, January 4th, 2005
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| Time: | 12:48 pm. |
| Mood: |  pretty. | | Music: | Deathcab For Cutie - We Laugh Indoors. |
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I um, witnessed a lot of weird things yesterday.
Things just seemed so surreal.
I saw two speeding trains fly pass each other as I went under their bridge.
I don't know, they passed perfectly on the center of that bridge..that was weird.
I also saw some birds flying the same speed as my car..once again, weird.
I also saw a drug deal in the happening as I was looking way off in the distance at a gigantic river of a storm drain.
And the way the clouds let out the sun.
It put a really dreamy light into my car.
It was WEIRD!
Almost as odd as the date: 1-3-05.
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Saturday, January 1st, 2005
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No matter what you say, New Years is a shitty holiday.
The year that it'll be cute an sweet hasn't yet came.
It's been 19 years!!
I think that naturally tells me to hate on the holiday.
idk..
It wasn't all to bad; than than again it was.
It's hard to explain..
Bad things happened that overall turned out to be good.
['think that best explains it.]
But yeah,
Next year I think I'm going to get really into it.
I feel horrible because this year I honestly lacked spirit.
Being a photographer at a portrait studio oddly doesn't boost my spirit either.
My guess is that butt loads of holiday photographs where taken by me for hundreds upon hundreds of families.
...& It just might have overkilled my holiday joy.
This year's holidays kind of blew!
My fault...sorry guys.
Next year guys...promise!
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Saturday, December 25th, 2004
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Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
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christmas is coming, got all that taken care of.
I'm not too excited about it cause I gotta visit my dad.
umm, i'm in a band now.
I play my keyboard.
I audtioned last friday, and went to thier show tonight.
It was fun.
The singer is a girl, and she also plays guitar.
..sounds good!
We took some band pictures..they're what the are.
maybee I'll post them some other time.
Fun group of people...
..otherwise, nothing really new in my life.
I watched a movie just a bit ago: SCARFACE.
Exciting stuff.
..
kdone
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Friday, December 17th, 2004
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| Time: | 11:40 am. |
| Mood: | ..hmm. | | Music: | Radiohead - I Might Be Wrong. |
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So I kind of figured..
..Why don't I put myself into that ( PHOTOGRAPH )
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Wednesday, December 15th, 2004
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..But I have 'Francis The Mute.'
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Sunday, December 12th, 2004
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The day their album, 'Francis the Mute,' is released, we're gonna party and listen all night long.
I got a taste of it.
It's astonishing.
..honest!
( possible lyrics to this new song )
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| Time: | 1:36 am. |
| Mood: | photographic. | | Music: | The Beatles - I Me Mine. |
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After work, I photographed my brother's girlfriend.
I think I did a decent job.
I had fun making her feel awkward with me and my camera.
( heh! )
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Saturday, December 11th, 2004
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I just killed the biggest freaking spider I've ever met face to face!
So big that I had to trade a slipper for a shoe on my right foot.
[And so big that I had to dedicate a post to it's farewell.]
It was in the bathroom.
When I returned with the proper shoe on, it was speeding up the wall.
And believe me when I say speeding..
It was 'bookin it!'
When I returned, it automatically stopped as if it knew it was fucked.
At that point, it had progressed too high-up on the wall for me to smash it with my shoe.
I glanced to something on the bathroom counter that caught the left corner of my eye.
"Ant and Roach Killer"
..*Beautiful, heh heh heh*
I shower it down to the floor as it curled itself to the sweet burn of RAID!!!!!!..hah
and I drilled that bitch with my vans slip-on shoe...
Killed that fucker.
...killed 'em good!
I'm kind of paranoid of going to sleep.
Its buddy's might be on the hunt for me or somethin.
Fuckers.
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Thursday, December 9th, 2004
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| Subject: | woW! |
| Time: | 3:14 pm. |
| Mood: |  ASTONISHED. | | Music: | Radiohead - My Iron Lung. |
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thanks for the cd player dave!
..seriously, man!
I got it this morning and put it in...it's a realllllllly nice device, and that was more generous than anything my own dad would have done for me. hah!
but yeah, thanks A LOT!
you're amazing.
Oh and my mom saw the jaguar logo on the box and thought it was for her...sucka! haha!
I told her how generous you are.
and she's impressed as well with your act of kindness.
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Tuesday, December 7th, 2004
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| Subject: | VOMIT |
| Time: | 1:21 am. |
| Mood: |  RALPH!!!. | | Music: | The Beatles - Hello Goodbye. |
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This picture reminds me of The Beatles...
..Yeah, I don't know.
I threw up three times before noon today.
I felt like crap.
And I kept trying to live out a normal day.
I went to 'college'.
On my way there I made a quick jolt to a left turn lane and let loose on the asphalt..two cans of lemon/lime soda shot out of my throat.
I excused myself from my class early to go puke.
Than on my way home I pulled over again. This time on the shoulder because I felt it coming again. I just relaxed with my emergency flashers on and in less than five minutes a cop car rolled up.
The girl-cop said, "is everything okay?..some man at the bus-stop waved me over..he was worried about you."
I think that-that man thought I got shot because I was sitting in my car holding my stomach...I don't know..Just maybe.
I responded, "how sweet!"
I than explained her that I was on my way home from school and I feel nauseated, and thought it'd be wiser to just pull over for a second.
She looked at me with sympathy...WIERD!
She's a cop, shes supposed to be a bitch!
I don't know.
She rolled away after responding, "good idea."
Than after she cleared I felt kind of uncomfortable, just sitting there with worried strangers around me.
So I sucked it up and continued on.
Today was weird.
Throwing up isn't that scary as I used to think.
[I haven't thrown up in a long time...I don't even remember the last time I threw up before today.]
EDIT:
I changED the colors of my journal..i know!
..pointless!
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Sunday, December 5th, 2004
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I have this christmas party to go to tomorrow with my work.
We are all gonna drink and laugh at each others stupidity.
We are photographers.
And we're all 'drinkers.'
niiiiiice!
Tomorrow has already begun.
It is tomorrow morning.
But I'll still refer to it as tomorrow because I haven't slept and woke up yet.
It is one A.M.
Spell 'one' bitch!
 ..I used to listen to franz ferdinand a lot.
And in the back of my head I always thought that this song was so male-on-male homosexual.
If you're a gay-male, you may like this song.
This song, freaks me out.
Im not hungry anymore.
All this dance floor, man singing about man shit killed my appetite.
"Not my bag."..
Okay that was random, but that song played on windows media player at "RANDOM"..
So I guess that's how everything pans out.
I wish I had a second car.
An old, beat-up mustang.
I wish I could save up and do that sort of thing.
I guess I just want another car to flip you off in.
That one goes out to the drivers of Brea, California.
Yah, fuckyou.
Oh, and in other news, I'm gonna take my skurvy stickers off the back window of my beetle.
fuck paul.
I'll make a new sticker design..
It'll be exciting...I'm thinking Radiohead[ed] art.
I love their stuff to death.
I honestly took this quiz thing and it threw back something very true about my photography..
I really do focus on "natural lighting"..I've even said that to a couple people before..weiiiiiirrrrdd!
another edit..
It's raining outside, so i guess fuck that natural lighting for now.
..FUCKING COLD!
Oh and check out my actual Live-Journal page...
The colors..AND the comment links kicks the shit out of yours.
Pretty pointless.
People don't ever have to "come" to my journal.
Dontcha know!?
I automatically pop-up on your "friends" page.
Yah-fuck...
All of yah!
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Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
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I'm gonna paint tomorrow.
I'm trying to get a hold of steve because I can still be antisocail, hanging out with him.
..Because we are individuals.
Not attached friends.
Yah..
Im gonna paint tomorrow and you should help me be creative, steve.
I think I just got tripple fucked over at work today.
I stayed there way longer than was expected.
And the only meal I had was a bagel sandwich from Mc Donalds.
And that was in the morning before I got into work.
I'm very pissed off with my work right now.
I was very hungry and tired at work and did bitch-work all day.
fuck!
[EDIT: NEW LAYOUT COLORS...WOOOWEE]
Yeah, I don't know.
I'm ugly.
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Monday, November 29th, 2004
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Sunday, November 28th, 2004
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Steve just helped me realize how antisocial I've become.
I'd like to think of it as my alone time, or minding my own business.
Here's what I've been up to..
I've been writing a lot of music. I hooked my synthesizer up and set it inside the hood of my grand piano so that I can play them both simultaneously.
I've been painting my room. I've been working on a mural..basically turning all of my walls into a blending masterpeice of painted on brick walls with piles of bricks, city-scape's, and some eight foot treble clef and time signature...with 'all sorts of crazy' going on in my closet.
It's been taking a lot of my time. I think I'm going a little nuts.
The clean-freak inside me hasn't worked..so a lot of things haven't been clean as always. I need to shave, and here I am wasting some of that time on this computer for some random people that are doing the same.
CHRIST! I've been thinking "change." Something in me feels awkward so I've been thinking a lot about it and I'm gonna change something to fix it.
Something like that.
I don't know.
I'm very confused and lost recently.
NO! ,,Not with my sexuality; just with my life in general.
Past, present,
& future.
Myself time is nice.
Besides, fuck parties.
& 'shows.'
I hate attending one as much as the other.
It's funny, word on the street is that one psycho guy still wants to find and kill me, or something like that.
He looks for me at shows.
Listen fuck-bag!
I don't go to shows...& I hate parties!
[..so I assume that it's just some bullshit ego-boost..nicely done.]
enjoy yourself,
stop hunting for someone that doesn't exist!
..I live in my hole.
Not even because of you, fuck you.
And you're a fucking asshole for punching that one kids eye.
He had to get eye-surgery, you fucking asshole.
..Whatever.
Back to the
TOPIC of this entry..
I'm somewhat antisocial.
It comes and goes.
When I do hang out with people; it's in pinches.
One maybe two.
I think all of you caught that drift.
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Friday, November 26th, 2004
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| Subject: | Simple thought. |
| Time: | 10:01 pm. |
| Mood: |  recollective. | | Music: | Radiohead - Packt Like Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box. |
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Why are relationships so complicated to people?
Why do people take their significant other for granted?
Why do people do stupid things to piss off one another?
Why can't people just relax?
It seems like people get sick of each other or something. I don't get it. I never really been in a solid, long-term relationship; but, I can still be entitled to my opinion, simply by observation. It just astounds me to think of a long-lasting relationship of lies. Pshh! ..mistrust. I don't understand why someone would want to complicate a relationship bad enough to hide certain details from another. Animosity? I don't understand bitterness. I don't understand why people have to be stubborn in a relationship. Why can't they just throw in the bitter-towel and listen?
If they love and care about each other so much, why aren't they working on these problems?
Just in general..
Why do people have to party?
Does social smoking and drinking make you feel rebellious and 'in'?
..Maybe a thing to avoid in a lovely relationship. I don't know...just a thought.
A humongous one..why do people have to cheat!?
Why do people have to use other people to impose the feelings on another of being jealous and unloved?
A lot of these thoughts kind of flow through my head.
What can I say..It's Christmas time.
Maybe unhealthy relationships aren't my bag.
It sure seems like it's everyone else's.
Maybe.
Just maybe...
It's this alternative scene.
..This myspace/livejournal/concert/dance-club place where people say hey lets meet, hey lets kiss, hey lets touch, hey lets have sex, hey lets drink and do drugs and die next week.
I don't know, it's just a random thought.
Congratulations.
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Saturday, November 20th, 2004
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This is inconceivable!
We had a three-draft paper to write for my english midterm.
..AND I ACED IT ON THE FIRST DRAFT!!!
He said that I do not need to write anymore.
I already have the A!!!?
SCORE!
While the other students are studying and writing their papers, I get to kick off my shoes to my other world of responsibility..
Work.
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Sunday, November 14th, 2004
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| Subject: | Obey? |
| Time: | 8:56 pm. |
| Mood: | loved. | | Music: | Jimmy Eat World - Cautioners. |
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Friday, November 12th, 2004
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| Subject: | dumb |
| Time: | 1:35 am. |
| Mood: |  restless. | | Music: | The Mars Volta - A Plague Upon Your Hissing. |
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I seriously need to live more for the future.
Every time it rains and december approaches,
I always think back to memories I shouldn't,
& feel things that I really SHOULDN'T.
I wonder if I'd be better off without
those memories.
Future, BEN!
...THE FUTURE!!
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Thursday, November 11th, 2004
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Thursday, November 4th, 2004
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I took photographs of my school in sepia.
( Enjoy.. )
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Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004
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I have a college class to go to tomorrow morning.
Yet I stay up late and drive myself..nuts.
The music is off; but it's loud.
I'm thinking to much..
..sleep tight.
</3
...all of you
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Sunday, October 24th, 2004
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I got drunk for the mars volta.
I love how I am the perfect drunk.
I remember everything that happens, never throw up, and never have "hang-overs."
For my record & those of you that I've drank with... I drank 4 times the amount I usually drink.
Didn't throw up or nothin!
So much alcohol ingested.
Im still feelin it.
I think I'll still be drunk tomorrow.
I swear.
I would trade sex to have this night!
Thats right....sex!
Tonight was true love.
The mars volta is true love..
..THE END
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Monday, October 18th, 2004
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Wednesday, October 13th, 2004
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| Subject: | ESSAY |
| Time: | 2:44 pm. |
| Mood: |  accomplished. | | Music: | The Mars Volta [Live Set]. |
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I had to do discriptive writing assignment for my english course.
I had to describe a complete [real life] stranger.
I made mine up.
It's about a girl that I imagined.
CHECK IT OUT!
( !!! )
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Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
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DON'T WORRY I DONT DO DRUGS, NOR WOULD I TOUCH THEM.
THESE ARE COMBO VITAMINS!!!
VITAMINS
E &[!] C
..YEAH BABY!
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Friday, October 8th, 2004
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HERE!#@&*^
I PAINTED THIS FOR YOU!!
..TAKE IT!
...
"ACOUSTICISM"
-BENYORK (=
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Monday, October 4th, 2004
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Sunday, October 3rd, 2004
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Saturday, September 25th, 2004
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| Subject: | poo |
| Time: | 8:10 pm. |
| Mood: |  sweet'n'sour. | | Music: | Acceptance. |
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I dont update.
I'm tired.
this last week I went to:
+ the Angel Game, and rooted for Seattle Mariners.
+ The House of Blues to watch garet play drums for 'the color turning.'
+ to jamba juice a million times.
+ to work about ten times.
..but whats new huh?
** I got into the angel game for free through Amanda.
She's so dope!
** & I got into the house of blues through Garet. He's gonna be a billionaire of a drummer when he gets older. So..he's dope as well.
That show brought back a lot of old memories because I saw a lot of people I knew that I dont know anymore. I usually don't give a care, but I stood around and thought about it for once while I watched the band's performance.
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Monday, September 13th, 2004
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Today was amazing!
I had school & work but it was all soo easy and fun.
..Just this once!
My professor was crackin jokes...he's funny.
& No one wanted to be photographed today at my work.
So I was able to play hacky sack with a little stuffed animal-style soccer ball.
That was fun.
Than after work I still had the time and energy to detail my car.
& before I started my day I detailed my bedroom.
Heh! I'm so pro.
Oh & if you want, check out my new journal layout.
It'll brighten your day.
take care.
= )
...<3ben
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Wednesday, September 8th, 2004
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School went by so slow today.
When I got out of class, the sunlight cascaded through the clouds, which put a weird light on the streets.
I liked that.
It was sexy.
For some reason it made me think about the summer I started going to that school, and how that used to be and the friends I had, etc.
Times have changed.
So much!
It seems like I used to lounge around with friends a lot more, and barely ever care what time it was, and what had to be done.
"Fuck that!"
Last two days I've had the hung-over feeling.
I should try to get better sleep.
Seriously.
And the air conditioner-FAN is half way busted so my house is pretty fucking hot.
That definitely adds to my drowsiness.
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yourfriend_ben's journal
arachnophobic.
This Song is so homosexual..